Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
