I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
