Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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