I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
