my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
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