I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
