when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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