You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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