I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
