i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
