Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
