The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
