Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
