he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
