I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
