If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
