The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's never too late to be topless.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
