and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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