i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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