I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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