At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just found puke in my bra..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
