You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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