I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
so that wasnt chicken after all
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
