yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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