I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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