I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
