A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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