i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
