"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I supernannyed him into submission
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
