You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize
