they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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