So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
