awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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