The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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