A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Drunk is not a location!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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