I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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