I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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