I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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