you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
