I'm pants shitting drunk right now
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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