just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
