I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
