Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize