So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Enjoy the penises
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
