Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
