I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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