to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
