I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize