Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
