i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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