I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
