Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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