I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
