I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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