There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
