It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize