and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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