yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
