i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
