I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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