Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
