"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
