It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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