how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
