You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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