is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
