There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
