Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
