She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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