quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize