Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
