This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
