so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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