There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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